Jimmy Rollins is Fruits and Nuts

Pardon me, but Jimmy Rollins just made me laugh.

Not the way Eddie Murphy used make me laugh when I'd sneak and listen to "Comedian" while my parents were in another room.

"You don't got no ice cream. You can't afford it…" Remember that?

Hahahahahaha!

No, Jimmy made me laugh like… well, like the eye-rolling laughs I used to have when my buddy Dan would tell me about his many, ahem, encounters with girls when we were in high school.

Now, Jimmy isn't sitting here with me at the palatial 108 Stitches World Headquarters, talking $#!t about how his Philadelphia Phillies are going to dominate the National League East for the foreseeable future.

No, of course he's not here, but he did talk that crazy talk at a charity event Monday.

CSNPhilly.com today has this gem from the Philadelphia short stop:

"It still runs through Philly. [Washington] had one year to win it. It was just like when the Mets took it from Atlanta, it was still up for grabs. I'm sure Atlanta felt it was still theirs, but fortunately we were able to come in and take it the next five years."

Click over and read the entire story. It has a lot of "ifs" and "buts" about how the Phillies could have won the NL East had they remained healthy throughout the season.

Psst!

You know what they say about ifs and buts and fruits and nuts.

Merry Christmas, Jimmy!

Crow's Answer on Target

Cue the laughter.

Go ahead. Make your jokes.

On Thursday, when New York Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie told NFL Network his team would make the playoffs, you knew the media would jump on the statement.

Cromartie was asked in the interview if he thought his 3-5 team would play its way into the postseason.

"The Jets will make the playoffs this year," Cromartie responded. "We believe in each other; we believe in what coach Ryan and his staff is putting us to schemes and stuff, so we definitely are going to make the playoffs this year."

That's darn good answer if you ask me. But because of the Jets' propensity toward bold, and sometimes seemingly outlandish, predictions under head coach Rex Ryan, confident-in-my-team statements like Cromartie's are going to be overly scrutinized.

Fair enough. As a Jets fan, I have grown uber sick of hearing predictions from Jets' players and coaches, especially Ryan.

But, man, I have to stick up for Crow here. I'd much rather hear his statement, which is no where near a "guarantee" as some media outlets have labeled it, than a Jeterian-like response of, "we can't worry about the playoffs right now. We have to take one game at a time, and play our beast… blah, blah, blah."

You play… to win… the Big Mac

McDonald's

Ok, that's not exactly what Herm Edwards said 10 years ago, but it's what Joakim Noah was shooting for Tuesday night.

Here's the deal: each game the Chicago Bulls score 100 points at home in the United Center, McDonald's hands out a coupon for a free Big Mac to everyone in attendance. On Tuesday, with the Bulls leading the Orlando Magic 99-93, Noah heaved up a three-pointer with 3.8 seconds to play in hopes of scoring two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun for everyone.

“I got caught up in the moment,” Noah said after the game. “I regret it a little bit. It wasn’t a good shot."

The Bulls got to 99 points when Noah made one of two free throws with 23 seconds to play. Maybe missing that one free throw, leaving the crowd 1-point shy of free burgers, put a little pressure on Noah at the end of the game.

Bulls Head Coach Tom Thibodeau was on Jim Rome's radio show today and didn't sound pleased with Noah's late-game shot selection, saying only that he had talked with Noah about the shot.

Lighten up, fellas. 

There were less than four seconds left to play and the Bulls had a six point lead when Noah's shot clanked.

The game was over. Times are tough, and dammit, people gotta eat.

Elation, Devastation Just Fingertips Apart

Dez Bryant's magic moment slipped away in an instant, right through his arms, out his fingertips and onto the turf of Cowboys Stadium.

The white portion of the turf, not the blue.

That's what happened when the Dallas Cowboys' receiver made a miraculous end zone catch that, in the moment, appeared to give his team a much-needed win over their NFC East rival New York Giants.

As Cowboys fans rejoiced and Giants fans bemoaned their first loss ever to Dallas in the Boys' sparkling new-ish stadium, those of us watching on TV saw, through instant reply, disputable evidence of the on-field call.

Just before Bryant landed, his fingertips touched the out-of-bounds line at the back of the blue end zone.

Giants fans, I'm sure, at viewing the Fox slow-motion instant replay, screamed "that's not a bleepin' touchdown" while at the same time worrying officials in charge of reviewing the matter would not see what was plain to their Big Blue eyes.

In that same frame of time, the hope of Cowboys fans ended in a sudden, fiery crash as if Bryant's landing fingers pushed the detonator switch.

I'm neither a Cowboys fan nor a Giants supporter, but I have two good friends who are die-hard fans, nearly from birth I'm guessing, of each of those teams. I asked them what went through their minds when they saw Dez leap and catch the ball and then again moments later when the replay clearly showed the receiver's fingertips land out of bounds before the rest of his body plunged to the end zone.

First up, let's hear from the winning side. (We'll save the drama for the end.)

Here's Giants fan, Keith, via an elated email from Connecticut:

"Years off my life, dude. My stomach lining was shot after that seesaw roller coaster 'hurricane' of a divisional hated rivalry game. I went from 'wow, I can't believe this is gonna be another surprise road blowout, ala Niners' to 'wow, I can't believe we're not killing them 35-0' to 'oh lord, we're actually gonna blow this whole thing to Tony 'check out my Mark Sanchez Halloween costume' Romo and the Cowboys' to an ultimate 'phhheeewww, sure glad the clock finally says :00 and we still have the lead' ..... my father-in-law and buddy were crushed by that loss. So as a riches of spoils Giants fan, still can't help but feel a little guilty, but also even more than that, extremely selfishly happy."

No now, here's Chad from Tennessee (who actually admits to doing housework) in an email, presenting the Cowboys' side:

"So,...I don't even watch the first 15 min of the game because I KNOW we’re going to be beat by probably 20 or 23 points.

I finish up with my housework...and I actually sit down to watch them go down by 23. I'm not upset...I expected this to happen.

I begin to hope that Tony Romo would just get hurt at one point I remember.

So I go up to my parent's house for my great aunt's birthday party.....I sit and watch the TV with the mute on,....I eat and walk around and keep watching this come back... we get the ball back at the end...I'm thinking...NO WAY we go that far and score… then I start to think about the last time I've seen this done by any team...and Tom Brady comes to mind...and he makes it look so easy, the guy is always wide open and they end up scoring and winning.

So the ball's in the air...and I'm thinking...ok great...he better get it in the end zone...and I see Dez...thinking...he's doubled covered...then I see the one Giant jump too early...and I think ....looks like the ball is going in between them....and for a second I think Dez won't catch it...then I see he did catch it !!!!!

I jump up..as my thumb is turning the volume up to 80 and I scream out. Luckily, others in the room were watching as well so I didn't scare everyone. Then I look at his butt and see it lands in the blue...then I see another angle and see his hand...and I'm like...it’s out...his hand touched first....no good..... 

The play goes to replay and I just sit there and think...ok,..no way we do that again...it's over...but, I'll sit here... Then my 16-year-old niece tells me it's all over Twitter that Nick Saban is going to coach the Cowboys next year. And as crazy as that is...the thought crosses my mind if that would do anything...and I know it won't because Jerry is still in charge and he'll tell Saban he's crazy and a fight will break out and Saban goes back to college and we don't have a coach again....

Replay is over...and what do you know......no TD. I turn the channel to Sunday Night Football, gather children and go home to never discuss it again until right now."

Video of the Day... so far

   

Let's caption this video: Officially Compromised.

I didn't make that up. I stole it from someone on Twitter, which is all abuzz right now over the NFL replacement officials' latest gaff, the Debacle in Seattle. I'm sure someone has a better moniker for the Packers' interception that wasn't last night, but that is, with very minimum effort, all I have this morning.

Anyway, our Video of the Day clearly shows Green Bay's M.D. Jennings has the ball, which, if correctly called on the field, would have been and interception and sealed a win for the Packers in Seattle Monday night. However, our good friends, the replacements, incorrectly said Seahawks' receive Golden Tate also had two hands on the ball and thus a tie goes to the offensive player. The only thing offensive here is the NFL dragging its feet – so it appears – toward getting the regular officials back on the field.

But hey, game attendance and TV ratings are still great, so, if not the Debacle in Seattle, what real leverage do the regular officials have in the labor negotiations with the NFL?

On a side note, I can't wait for the day when the regular officials do return. What kind of reception will they get? I can see a stadium sign now: "Hey refs, you suck. Welcome Back."

Oh, and what will be the reaction the first time there's blatant blown call? 

Game Night (Updated)

Tonight is a somewhat big night for my family. After a couple weeks of practice, my 6-year-old son, Ty, is playing in his first football game. As Bart Scott might say: Can't Wait!

People keep asking me if I'm nervous. No way! Maybe I should be, but I'm not.

Ty played in a scrimmage a few days ago – I never imagined my tiny son, who nearly seven years ago was a 4-pound premie – would ever be playing right tackle. But now he's about as big as the other guys on the team and so far is doing a pretty good job anchoring the offensive line and pushing through on defense.

Ty hasn't yet developed a feel for the game. That's my fault. I need to get him out a little more and try to get him to watch football on TV. (We have a tentative date in front of the big screen tomorrow night for the Cowboys-Giants game.)We've done a little football watching together, but he needs to learn, from me, more of the game basics. For example, I'm not sure he knows that, while on defense, he needs to locate the ball carrier and go after him. I think the only thing going through his mind is: "Hit somebody."

And, oh, he loves to hit people. He hits the opposition. He hits his teammates. He hits after the whistle. He hits in the huddle. And the other day at scrimmage, I loved every minute of it. Well, I didn't love it when he hit another boy from behind and knocked the boy to the dirt. The whole crowd let out a collective groan. I wanted to hide behind under the bleachers.

But tonight should be a blast. Ty, who wears number 15 for the Bears, plays against the Chiefs. I'll be there with my camera, my wife, Tina, and daughter, Gracie, laughing, cheering and hoping to the gridiron gods that Ty doesn't dislocate some poor kid's neck… after the whistle. Because you know, before the whistle, anything goes. 

UPDATE: Guess who recorded a quarterback sack in his first ever Pee-Wee football game last night. I think it was a busted play, but Ty took advantage of the moment, bursting through the line and tacking the Chiefs' QB for about a three-yard loss. He was so excited afterward, he wanted to go over to the high school field and watch the junior varsity team. By the way, Ty's Bears lost a thriller, 16-14. Tonight begins the season for Gracie's cheerleading squad. She's yelling (I hope she yells) for the Falcons this season.

Bet the Mortgage Now!!!

Rejoice! The kickoff to the 2012 NFL season is right around the corner – let's say that corner is Wednesday at 8 p.m. Eastern – so I've done what many nut ball pro football maniac fans do at this time of the year… I've made a bunch of picks that most likely will turn out dead wrong.

I'm not really impressed with my picks. They're so vanilla. So boring. I really wanted to pick the Bears to win Super Bowl XLVII, but I just don't see them beating out the Packers, whom I've picked to… ah, just read the picks below.

One more thing: you know the Patriots, whom for some reason have the easiest schedule in the league this year – for the second year in a row, if I remember correctly – will be in the playoff mixing bowl. (What?) Who's going to compete with New England in the AFC East? The Jets and their wild feline running game? Give me a break.

Oh, and you'll notice I have the Cowboys making the playoffs as a wild card. I'm not I sure I believe that to be true. That may just be 8-year-old me talking. Man this Roger Staubach jersey is really getting tight.

Here's to a cheerful new season!

NFC East

Eagles

*Cowboys

Giants

Redskins

NFC North

Packers

*Bears

Lions

Vikings

NFC South

Falcons

Saints

Panthers

Bucs

NFC West

49ers

Seahawks
Saints
Rams

AFC East

Patriots

Bills

Jets

Dolphins

NFC North

Ravens

*Steelers

Bengals

Browns

AFC South
Texans
Titans                                       
Colts

Jaguars

AFC West

Broncos

*Chiefs

Chargers

Raiders

* Wild Card

NFC Championship

Packers over Cowboys

AFC Championship

Ravens over Broncos

Super Bowl XLVII

Ravens over Packers